Friday, October 12, 2012

Me on Relationships: I think I've become a relationship and man-hater

I may not be a psychologist, but I breathe and therefore live, so I experience enough to form opinions. SO naturally, I have an opinion on relationships. And as I am a girl, with many female friends, I will be biased on purpose, and  not only do I experience things during my own life, but also through the lives of  these female friends. (NB. This does however apply to males as well as females, but these opinions have been formed from experiences encountered directly or indirectly)

So here is my opinion, biased and rude, as it may be... 

What the hell goes on with guys? They like a girl, and won't make an effort. Or they would much rather drive her insane dropping very subtle hints (way too subtle!),or perhaps even just hook up with someone else just for just. They don't know what they want, so are super confused, and then confuse you. NOT COOL. And the whole "friend-zone" thing in my opinion of course, is bullshit. Best friends make the best lovers. In fact, your lover should be like your best friend.

Then you get those guys who love chasing you. They will be the best ever, going out of their way to make you feel extra special, like you're the only girl in the world. They'll text you every minute of every day. They lead you to believe that they adore you to bits, and all this time you've been resisting, until you finally give in to this seemingly amazing guy. WRONG MOVE! Why, you ask? Because that's where it ends! It's like when you start giving in, he starts wanting out. He loses interest, ceases to make efforts, and that relationship of two becomes a one person party, with no presents or sparklers, and minimal attention and love.
Don't get me wrong, I know that you can't be messaging your significant other all the time, and that life gets busy, but make a point to make some time! You wanted them in your life, now treasure them!

And REPLY to messages!  If you don't ant to talk to someone, TELL THEM!!! DO NOT IGNORE THEM! It is one the most frustrating things ever! Yes, we get busy and forget to say and do important things now and then, but that's no reason to take someone for granted. Prioritize! You want to be with someone, make the effort. Work to deserve them. Don't ever think that once you have them, you should stop trying to make them feel special! Two scenarios can lead from here: 1. This could either lead to a break-up or 2. of course an unhappy woman who chooses to settle with someone who doesn't deserve her. And while some people may not understand why any woman would settle, I can tell you why. It's because it's simpler to stay. It's too comfortable being in that dysfunctional relationship, and you're so accustomed to being treated the way you are, that you don't realise that you really do deserve to be treated SO MUCH BETTER. And even when someone women realise this, they push it aside, believing that focusing on the positives and disregarding the negatives is the best way to go. Yes there is a period of time when you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself and think about how nice it is when he actually does love and respect you, but once that period is over, you need to stop thinking with your heart, and start thinking with your head, because your heart is in no condition to make any decisions, and you need to be strong enough to realise that.

I have left the cheaters for last. It boggles my mind why someone would cheat. If you are unhappy in  relationship, GET THE HELL OUT OF IT! Have your 'thinking period" and then get out! DON'T cheat. It is disrespectful to your partner! And no matter what you say, or what you do, if you honestly and truly love someone, not only would you respect them, but you would NOT cheat on them! (and this goes for men AND women!). The guy that dates you for 4 years and has been cheating on you for a year, and during that last year, asks you to marry him (just before he pops the question, he decides to end it with his mistress, and then again, he doesn't actually end it, he just stops talking to the other woman, giving her no indication that things are over), that guy is an ASS! And while he may very well believe he loves you, his actions say otherwise. And as hard as it is to believe, the other girl involved loved him just as much as she thought he loved her (in some cases). I know many may not feel any sympathy for her, but while she knows she made a mistake and feels remorse, she did fall in love, and her heart was broken just as much by this idiot too. It's easy to judge someone if you haven't experienced it yourself, or if you don't know anyone who's been in this situation. But it isn't all the time that the "other woman" went out of her way to hurt you. I know it's difficult to see it from her point of view, but I understand. Every situation is different and depends on the individuals involved. It all comes down to the people in that relationship and how strong that bond is.

And do you know why cheating is such a NO NO? Because it is so AVOIDABLE! There is absolutely NO reason for someone to cheat on their partner. You are together, so you should have feelings for each other and respect each other. That is what a successful relationship requires: LOVE, RESPECT, HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, and EFFORT and some other stuff I've seem to forgotten. My point is, if you have these things, then you have LOVE. And if you have LOVE, then you can talk to each other about ANYTHING! ABSOLUTELY anything! Sort out your problems as a couple and leave other people out, and if you can't do this, you shouldn't be together as a couple.

AS for those "how to catch a guy" "how to make a guy fall in love with you" blogs, posts, etc. Stop reading them! The only way anyone will like or even love you, is if YOU ARE YOURSELF! Don't pretend to be something or someone you are not! Never let anyone change you. That is the worst way you can ever let yourself down! And you will learn from it, but you will regret it for some time. Think about it, how long can youn really pretend to be something else? What happens when you get tired of pretending? I will tell you. THINGS GO SOUR! It's common sense, really! And if you are yourself, and someone does become interested, you will know they like you FOR YOU!

Do you know what one of the most embarrassing things is? When someone is in a relationship, and they throw it in the faces of others (especially their friends!), and it's even more embarrasing when you know that relationship is such a sucky one. I'm not saying your friends are not happy for you, and that you shouldn't share your happiness with them, but THERE IS A LIMIT! Calm the fudge down with your PDA (public display of affection). Your friends are probably screaming "GET A ROOM!!!" in their heads! 

I now I say these things and you're probably wondering if I am in a loving and successful relationship. Well no. Guys are assholes, well a lot of them are. Not all. I just speak from experience (the life of mine and those I care about). I know many really sweet, caring, guys who execute LOVE to the very T. And that is the only hope I have of ever finding someone like one these amazing guy friends of mine. SO for now, I HATE MEN, and I hate people who fake LOVE and think it's okay, because it isn't. You're just ruining love for the rest of us!

Don't ever be afraid to exit a relationship where you are NOT appreciated. Never sell yourself short, you're worth more than you know., even if it doesn't appear that way. 

                          Just be true to yourself and the person you're with, and you can be happy.